This week we're diving into the gloriously bizarre story of Bernard Matthews. Turkey eugenics, the invention of the turkey roast joint, a 27-year advertising campaign built on one word, and how he made the equivalent of £38.5 million in eight days.

David gets a tooth snapped in half by a dentist called Jaguar, we discuss our first celebrity crushes, Jodie Marsh gets the academic treatment she deserves, and Father Jiminy Cricket delivers a prayer against Argentina.